i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
