Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
