forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
