Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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