Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
