I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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