please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
