i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
