I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Two words: nipple clamps
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