I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
