So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
