Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize