She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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