TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
