i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
