I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
