Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
