I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
