this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
