You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
