i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
