I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
