I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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