Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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