so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
