I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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