hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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