my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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