Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
