The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
