i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we're so committed to being not committed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
