i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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