Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
