oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
