oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
