State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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