Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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