Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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