community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
