Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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