We're like a lot better than the average bears
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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