Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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