I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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