Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
