he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so let's talk penis.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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