Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
