We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
