My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
