I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
