So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
