my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
