he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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