I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
