well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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