so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
