I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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