Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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