Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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