She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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