He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
