Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
