i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
