i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
