Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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