just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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