Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
