My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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