i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
