My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
