My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
