I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had to coat check the pizza.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
