There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
